


Ned Leeds, Loser in the Bathroom

by Holyfishsticksironman



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Ned Leeds Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker is a jerk in this fic, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, tw: brief mention of suicide during panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:41:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holyfishsticksironman/pseuds/Holyfishsticksironman
Summary: His hands grip the white porcelain of the bathroom sink, ignoring the girl on the other side of the door, knocking.“Come on, dude, I really gotta pee.”His brain spits out the first answer that comes to mind….“I’m on my period!”Really, brain? Thanks.The girl outside stops, and says quietly “You take all the time you need.”The breath Ned’s been holding in comes out in a big gust, but it doesn’t placate the anxiety that’s building in his chest."I shouldn’t have come," he thinks.
Relationships: Ned Leeds & Peter Parker
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Ned Leeds, Loser in the Bathroom

Two hours ago, he and Peter walked into Flash’s house party- the biggest one of the fall, according to several of the AD team members- and were bombarded with loud music, people everywhere, and a faint whisper of alcohol.  


“Hey, loser,” MJ smiles at Peter, and nods at Ned.  


“I thought you said you didn’t like house parties,” Ned says loudly, trying to be heard over the bass that’s reverberating through his sternum.  


“I came by to see if you two were going to be here- someone’s got to keep you out of trouble,” MJ says flatly, as she winks at Peter. The two of them are called away from Ned by Zoe, one of the girls on the AD team, and Ned is left standing by himself. He watches them walk away, and trails after them. 

Fifteen minutes later, Ned finds himself on the outside of a small circle of teenagers, laughing at talking together, and every time he makes a comment, the girl and boy on his right and left roll their eyes, or turn their heads away from him. Peter is talking so animatedly that everyone’s more interested in him, and MJ is laughing and prompting him to continue. Ned turns away from the circle to sneeze into his elbow, and when he turns back, his spot has been taken up by the two teenagers. He tries to slide back into the circle, but they ignore him. Thinking fast, he tries to catch Peter or MJ’s attention, but burly dude on his right slides in front of him to get closer to Ms. Tight shirt on his left, and Peter never notices when Ned sidles dejectedly off to a corner, pulls out his phone, and starts scrolling. 

Guy in the chair: got shoved out of the group by some jerk. Mind if we leave soon? I’m kind of bored.  
Ned looks over at Peter, and watches Peter’s watch light up with his text. Peter doesn’t answer the text immediately, as he’s enjoying being the center of attention for once; he flips his wrist over to read the text midsentence, and dismisses the text with a swipe.  


Ned stands up, and wanders over to where another gaggle of teenagers are hovering over a cooler full of some dark blue liquid and sliced fruit that smells sickly sweet and strongly of alcohol. Someone shoves a cup in his hands- it’s wet all down one side where the girl filled it from the cooler- and it nearly splashes onto his Hawaiian print shirt. They’re all shouting over the still too loud music, and a group of girls bump into him as they walk past. The liquid in his cup arches over the lip and splashes down his front and ends in a smallish puddle close to one of the girl’s shoes.  


“Watch it, loser! You got punch all over my new shoes,” she shrieks, and Ned grabs a kitchen towel from off the counter to start mopping up the puddle.  


“It barely got on you,” he starts, as he pushes blue liquid and orange slices around on the floor. “And mostly on me,” He glances up, and she’s fuming down at him, pointing at the tiny blue drops on her white vans. “Sorry,” he finishes, and moves to dab at the spots with a dry corner of the towel.  


“Ugh. Whatever. Just get away from me.” She stalks off, friend in tow. Ned sighs, picking up the pieces of ice and fruit, then moves to dump them in the trash can. He leaves the kitchen towel on the floor by the trash can, then rummages through the kitchen drawers to find a dry towel to dry out his shirt. All of the drawers he tries are full of flatware or utensils. He shoves the drawer back into place in a huff.  


Another kid comes swaying by him, and nearly falls over when he puts his hand out to lean on the kitchen counter. “You gonna drink that?” the kid asks- at least, that’s what Ned thinks he asks, his words are slurred and it’s really hard to hear over the blaring music. Ned stares the kid in the eyes as he picks up his cup and pours the dregs of his cup into the kitchen sink, then smushes the cup into the garbage can with a crunch. 

“I think you might have had enough. Try some water, dude.” The kid’s face falls, and Ned turns and begins trying to shove his way towards a bathroom to dry off his shirt in a quiet place. 

Thankfully, when he finally finds a bathroom, there’s not a line. He slips inside, and closes and locks the door after turning on both the light and the fan. Looking around for a towel, he finds one in the closet, and after taking off his button down, he untucks his undershirt and starts dabbing at it and his trousers with the towel.  


“ _At least it got mostly on my shirt and not my pants_ ," he thinks bitterly. " _I was looking forward to being here with Peter and MJ, and they’re off with Pete’s new friends. Since he started running track and got popular with the jocks, he’s been brushing me off lately. He didn’t even answer my text earlier_.” Ned pulls his phone out, just to check. Nothing. He rolls his eyes.   


“ _Great_ ,” he thinks. “ _Now I’m stuck here until Peter leaves, because my parents are out of town, and I don’t have enough money for a ride back_.”

His hands grip the white porcelain of the bathroom sink, ignoring the girl on the other side of the door, knocking.  


“Hello? Come on, I really gotta pee.” His brain spits out the first answer that comes to mind….  


“I’m on my period!” He freezes, waiting for a reply. “ _Really, brain? Thanks._ ”  


The girl outside stops, and says quietly “You take all the time you need.”

The breath Ned’s been holding in comes out in a big gust, but it doesn’t placate the anxiety that’s building in his chest.  


“ _I shouldn’t have come_ ,” he thinks as tears prick hot and angry at his eyes. “ _It wouldn’t even matter if I spontaneously turned invisible, because no one notices me anyway. Not that I was noticed before, but at least my best friends did. But I’d rather fake pee than stand awkwardly in that group where no one even wants to talk to me, so I end up standing there like an idiot scrolling on my phone_.”  


He chokes back a sob. “ _Everything was fine when it was just Peter and I. Two halves of a pair_.” He’d really tried to stay involved with Peter, now that he had AD and track on top of the Stark internship and Spiderman. It seemed like every time he asked Pete to hang out after school, or come over on the weekend to build legos or watch movies, Pete had an excuse.  


“It’s an intern day.”  


“I’d love to, but MJ and I have a date tonight.”  


“I can’t- I’m stuck in medbay for the weekend. Mr. Stark put me on restriction because I got stabbed.” 

Well, that one made sense. Ned had tried to go over to see him, but Mr. Stark had said that Peter was really tired andwasn’t feeling up for visitors. And when Ned asked him about it on Monday, Pete said he’d gotten grounded by Tony and May for sneaking out, so he couldn’t hang out that week.  


The once close bond Ned and Peter had slowly unraveled over the course of the semester. Peter left Ned’s texts on read, and they barely talked in between classes, and Peter didn’t sit with him at lunch anymore, opting to sit with the track team.  


“ _I’m just Ned Leeds, a creeper in the bathroom because my best friend left me alone_.” He sits down on the edge of the clawfoot tub and starts picking at the grout under the lip of the tub. Hot anger starts bubbling in Ned’s chest, and he swallows thickly. “ _I’m in here hiding, but he’s out there ignoring all our history. Guess he’ll replace me with a newer, cooler version of me- if he hasn’t already_.” 

Ned’s knees are bouncing, and his hands have tangled in the hem of his t-shirt. He can hear some drunk girl singing off-key and very loudly “I wanna dance with somebody!” He stands up, and presses his ear against the door. “ _Pete and I would have been laughing at how ridiculous that sounds_ ,” he thinks, and his heart sinks even lower. “ _Now there’s no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore_.” He blinks hard, breath catching in his throat, trying desperately not to cry. His attempt makes the lump in his throat turn hard, and the ache in his chest burns into hot anger. “I regret even making him my best friend,” whispers his brain, and the tears that have threatened to spill out of his eyes tumble over his lashes as he blinks hard. He climbs into the tub, wrapping his arms around his knees. Sobs wrack his body, and he vaguely wonders if anyone can hear him.  


He tugs his phone out of his pocket, and looks at the time. Still no reply from Peter. “ _I’ll give myself five minutes to cry. Then I have to figure out what to do_.” He turns his phone on silent, places it facedown on the floor, and takes a shuddery breath. Then, his face crumples and his vision blurs and his face is smushed against his knees and tears are soaking through his jeans.  


“ _I’ll wait as long as I need, until my face is dry. I’ll say it’s allergies, or something got in my eyes. No. That’s lame. I’ll blame it on… weed_?” Ned barks out a wet laugh, and anger surges through his body. He thinks he hears a knock at the door, and starts, climbing back out of the tub. “It sucks he left me here alone.” He thinks back over the events of the party, and his brain supplies the image of a battlezone. “ _Sounds about right. Highschool teenage battlezone_.” Another knock, a little harder this time, and Ned, his body still shaking from his anxiety attack that hasn’t subsided yet, swipes at his streaming face and nose with a tissue from the box on the back of the toilet. “ _They’re gonna start to shout soon, if I don’t come out_.” Crying helped, but only marginally. The knocks reverberate in his brain, and all of the pressure inside him explodes. 

“Hell yeah, I’ll be out soon,” he barks out through gritted teeth.  


The knocks grow louder and louder in Ned’s head, and it overwhelms him. Each knock surges through his body with his heartbeat, which has become unbearably loud in his ears. He turns on the cold water tap at the sink, and splashes his face. “ _My big mistake was showing up at this stupid party_.” He dries his face with another towel from the closet, and then checks his face in the mirror. “ _Is there a sadder sight than Ned Leeds in the bathroom at a party_?” His eyes aren’t as red, and he blows his nose once more. He turns to open the door, but he can’t hear anymore knocking.  


He sits on the closed toilet seat, his mind dredging up memories of Peter and Ned building the Death Star. Watching Star Wars together in Peter and May’s tiny living room, quietly disposing of Aunt May’s dry date loaf she’d offered as a snack. They’d been best friends since Peter moved in with Ben and May. 

Ned remembered the first day Peter had joined them for class. He looked sad and small and lost, and Ned asked him at lunch if he wanted one of the chocolate chip cookies his mom had packed in his lunch. He’d never forget how Pete’s face lit up and then Peter asked if Ned wanted to play Power Rangers at recess. They’d been inseparable since. “ _At least, until he got popular_.” The smile that had come across Ned’s face fell. He stood, and looked in the mirror again. 

“There’s no denying it. I’m such a loser,” He swipes angrily at the tears that drip down his nose as he hisses at himself. “I’m just…” He gestures at himself, breath catching again in his chest. “At a party. Is there a sadder sight than this? This is a heinous night.” His fingers tangle in his shirt hem again, and then pick absentmindedly at the callous on his right middle finger. “I wish I’d stayed at home in bed, playing games on my phone. Wish I was anywhere but here- I’m here all alone. Wish I’d offed myself instead, wish I was never born. I really thought I knew him. Why’d he leave me alone? I’m such a loser for thinking he’d want to stay friends with me.”  


It takes Ned another ten minutes to ride the wave of emotion out, dry his face again, and muster up the will to leave the bathroom he’d been in for who knows how long. He turns on his phone again, and isn’t surprised to have no notifications. It’s been over an hour. He slips the phone back into his pocket, and tidies the bathroom to look like it did when he came in. “ _Awesome party. I’m so glad I came_ ,” he thinks bitterly.

**Author's Note:**

> oof. so...
> 
> A few things:  
> This was inspired by "Michael in the Bathroom" from "Be More Chill."  
> I churned this out in about two hours.  
> Yes, I made Peter Parker, cinnamon roll of a character, a jerk in this fic.  
> Please forgive any grammatical or formatting errors, I'm still learning AO3's format. 
> 
> Thanks for reading my work!  
> <3 Fishsticks


End file.
